remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
