I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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