Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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