K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
