garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
