I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
