Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
