Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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