i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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