If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
