I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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