I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
