I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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