You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
