If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
