I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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