omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
