the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
