My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
