If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
