so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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