Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I want a musical about memes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
