The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
