guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
