I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
