this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
