Pants 0. Shit 1.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
