Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
