He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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