how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
