i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
