I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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