Betty ford says i'm here all night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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