All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
