dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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