No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
