My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
