I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found puke in my bra..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
