i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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