planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
