Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
