Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
