Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
