I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
