i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
