just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
