Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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