Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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