I wish I could teleport
I accidentally burped into my bong.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
