his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
