He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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