it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't deserve a penis
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
