i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
