just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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