My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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