I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
