I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
