I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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