what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
