just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
