if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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