i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
