does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
