Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
