he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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