She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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