woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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