Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
