They should really pass out barf bags in church
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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