Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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