last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
