Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
