The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
