You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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