He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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