if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
